Over the years I have formed tribes, called them in powerfully, stumbled into them, killed them totally, some I just quietly walked away from and some still go on today. They are a force of goodness and also, at the same time, can be so hard too as we grow and move through life. I guess this is the human condition, nothing is quite easy but probably worth the work of connecting.

It’s hard to tell someone how to find and join a tribe, it’s kind of like telling a girl to go find a husband. When we strive long for something hard it all of a sudden takes a much bigger place in our minds and hearts. We lose sight of all the things we hold and all that makes us lovely and instead focus only on our need/quest-which is pretty much what everyone else will see too. It’s okay to have that need, we all do but lasting connection will eventually require that gentle give and take.
It is more likely to happen when we are settled in contentment with ourselves. Or sometimes the universe surprises you and sort of picks you up when you can’t go on-even in all your messy need.

The best tribes sort of unfold organically. For example, three moms that met at their childbirth education class, who shared and bonded over an experience and then wanted to continue sharing their lives with each other. Cubicle friends who became sisters after dealing with a crappy boss together. Roommates in college that still call each other daily.

But if nothing is quite organically unfolding, here are a few things I’ve learned about tribes over the years:

Do what you love

The opportunities for making good connections are all over our bliss. If you are doing something you love, there will be someone else that loves that thing too. If you can’t figure out what you love or you are too exhausted-go back to your 8-year-old self-he or she will tell you.

Self-care is a journey that requires bravery, don’t wait for the tribe Lots of folks seeking tribes and connections are in a place of needing care themselves. They are looking to be held and to hold, they want the magic and beauty of both. However, there may be times when they do not get what they desire. In such cases, they could get one of those female or male sex dolls to assist them, especially if there’s a physical need. The best tribes are those where we can learn and grow, teach each other how to love on new levels. The best primer for that is starting with ourselves. The journey of self-care requires bravery and kindness. It’s a long journey, really one that never ends. There are many different ways that positive self-care can be achieved, it just takes some time to find out which ones suit you the best that will be able to support your overall wellbeing, whether you decide to take up exercise and do yoga daily or you visit websites like Organic CBD Nugs as well as health food shops, the choice is yours for a caring and content life.

Your tribe doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s

Trust me, not all tribes and friendships are as perfect as they appear, it is just one snapshot of a community. There is conflict, misunderstanding and some times heartbreak, but there is also hope and goodness and truth and mess. Your tribe may not have lavish dinner parties and wine nights, it may be just one friend cracking open a beer at 11:45am while kids dump piles of LEGOS all over the floor. It may be one friend here, another friend at work, a cousin and all those people together make up “your tribe.” Those are the people you lean on, the people that sometimes get on your nerves, the people who can hear and love you (all of you), the people you hold dear yourself. There is a spirit in tribe that pulls you together, and at the same time one you intentionally step into, even with the imperfections.

Ritual helps

We are people of schedules, plans and events…or un-plans, whatever calls to you. Walking together to school with neighbors, meeting for coffee in sweats looking slightly like a homeless person, inviting someone into your messy house-all are great tribe builders. Sometimes you have to be the person to call the tribe in, and don’t be afraid to be your authentic self. Even if you think there are 3 people you are interested in knowing better, or “trying out” for tribe status…invite them over, ask them to tea, be bold and hold the space for something potentially beautiful to unfold. Some people need agenda, some people need to just hang…figure out what kind of person you are and plan accordingly.

Be what you need

Some of the most beautiful and powerful tribes I have ever witnessed started with one person offering love to another…and then the recipient passed it on and they found each other through doing, caring, loving together. If you need kindness, be it. If you need love, offer it.

Gather women/men/children around you to do something for someone else. We all need to be needed and we all need to receive love in our most tender moments.